I find that I delay myself up until the point that I scratch my thumbs and inner thigh and convince myself that my bed’s infested with mites. I shift my ass against the upholstery of my chair and open up a bag of Cheetos. I convince myself that by listening to another anthem of M83 […]Read more "Procrastination serves itself with a bag of Cheetos."
That first moment of the day when you still don’t realize you’ve caught a morning cough is always the best of the day. Joints creek, head forgets to pound. I’m rubbing my shoulder blades against my spine and my legs with the sheets and all feels beyond sedated. Everything else is a microsecond away from […]Read more "The Green and the Gutter."
Every morning, I hit up 300 sit-ups and 150 push-ups so that my waist looks tighter in a checkered J.Crew shirt I bought at a thrift store with hopes that others would imagine that I had suddenly developed a precariously original wardrobe. I gave up on alcohol and fell on top of fondant and snicker-doodle and […]Read more "Corporate Cupcake B****."